Friendships are a key area of our life. The topic is not often talked about even though, sometimes, it would be helpful to know more about it.
Friendship and relationships, in general, are topics that I am really interested in and that I have been exploring during the last few years.
We haven’t been taught how to make and keep friends, how to be a good friend, what to say in certain circumstances, or what to do when we feel excluded or betrayed.
I have always been interested in friendship topics. I came across some challenging situations myself, and in some cases, I didn’t know what to do and how to react. One of the videos that I came across while trying to learn more about friendship was a Ted Talk from Shasta Nelson. In her presentation, she talks about the 3 requirements of all healthy friendships:
- Positivity. We all want to be around positive people that are there for us. It’s tough to be around negative people. They always seem to drain our energy! When we are around positive people, that doesn’t mean that things will be smiles all the time (because it won’t), but at least the time we spend with some people is pleasant and charges us. Shasta says that “in order for a relationship to stay healthy, it has to have a ratio of 5 positive interactions for every negative interaction”.
- Consistency. This means that in order for us to grow a relationship, we need to invest time and be in touch with our friends often. Invest in your friendships! You can’t be friends with someone if you aren’t around, so stay connected.
- Vulnerability. Close and fulfilling relationships with the people you care about most can be achieved by being vulnerable. Vulnerability is often seen as a risk, but the people you care about will respect and value your honesty. Let your friend know about your insecurities, your dreams, and your fears.
In order to have meaningful and fulfilling relationships, we need to meet these 3 requirements. I never thought about friendship this way, but it makes a lot of sense. It feels good to be aware of this “formula”.
Is there anything you will change from now onwards? What have been your biggest challenges with friendships? For me, it has been the consistency of being with my friends. Days and weeks pass by so fast and it is easy to postpone meeting up. I will work on that.
Small action step suggestion:
- Plan to dedicate at least 1 hour for the next 4 weeks to building your relationship with your closest friends
